"You're going to do what?" asked our parents when we told them we were going to be foster parents. "Sara, I know you! You won't be able to give a baby back to it's mom". "What are you going to do with your other kids when you have to go to visits?" "How will you be able to look the birthmom in the eye knowing that she isn't able to care for her child for some reason?" "What about your boys? They are going to be confused as to who is a real memeber of your family?" Those are just a few of the questions we had to answer and are still answering today. You see, my family decided to think outside of the box and be a foster family. I say "our family" because it was a decision that my husband, our two sons and I all agreed we should make. Was it an easy decision? Well, sort of, to be totally honest. Were we crazy? Yup! But we were excited and committed to helping kids in need.
In 2002, we adopted our two boys from Russia. We had an amazing journey and a very smooth transition from a family of two to a family of four. The boys were healthy, bonded to us and had no adjustment issues. They were one and two years old when we adopted them and when we decided to foster, they were seven and eight. We were at a very easy stage of life. I worked part time so I was able to have a life outside of being a mom and wife and the boys were in school full time. After homework, I was able to have dinner on the table and eat as a family when my husband came home from work. I even had a few days to myself during the week to be invovled with things at church, go shopping, visit with family or have lunch with a friend. It was a very nice time in my life and I felt very complete.
Then we met a little girl name Joanise. Joanise was just about one year of age when she arrived in the states from Haiti to have brain surgery for her hydrocephalus. She was staying with good friends of ours who were her host family. We had the pleasure of doing respite care for our friends and had Joanise stay with us a few days during the week and sometimes over the weekend. It was a lot of work to take care of a medically fragile litte girl but so sweet to see our boys make her laugh and be quick to get her a bottle. When the boys got off of the bus one Friday afternoon and excitedly asked if Joanise was going to be with us that weekend, our wheels started to turn and we realized that our family wasn't complete. But what did that mean? We didn't have any money for another adoption nor did we really feel God leading us in that direction. We prayed about it and talked about it for a while and felt led to pursue being a foster family. We talked to our boys about this possibility and they were on board right away. We explained to them that just like their birth parents couldn't care for them in Russia, there are kids here that have birth parents who are unable to care for them. They were full of empathy and were excited to start listing all of the toys they would share with a foster child when they were placed in our home. We talked about the pros and cons of being a foster family and asked them to pray with us and wait for the Lord's leading. We didn't wait long. In a matter of months we had all of our paperwork completed and submitted. We were so excited to see who God would bring through our door.
A couple of years and a couple of placements later, we now have four beautiful children. We weren't looking to adopt again but when the little boy and little girl that we were caring for came up for adoption, we said yes to being their forever family. We now refer to our children as "the first litter" and "the second litter" because of the wide range in their ages. Our older boys are now eleven and ten and our two younger ones are three and two. You might ask, "What were you thinking!?!?!" I no longer have a few days a week to myself. Most of the time, dinner isn't ready when my husband walks through the door and I no long have lunch with friends on a whim because I am now a homeschool mom and plan my days around naps. I can still go out with a friend for lunch but it now takes much more planning. Life was so easy as a family of four but let me tell you why we said yes to foster care and why we said yes to adopting again.
Every child deserves to feel loved and protected. Every child deserves to have a bed to sleep on. Every child deserves to have a full belly and clean clothes to wear. Every child deserves to feel someone put their arms around them and tell them that they are loved. But not every child gets these things. In fact, there are more children than you may realize who roam the streets looking for approval, who steal to feel full and have something to wear and there are children who have never heard the words, "I love you". There are children right here in the United States of America who are the true victims of their parents' mistakes and bad decisions and deserve a better life. There are parents who need a second chance. There are parents who, for one reason or another, can no longer care for their children. But where do children go when their parents need a second chance or their parental rights have been terminated? If they aren't fortunate enough to have a family member or friend who can care for them, they go into foster care. Then what? Do they still see their parents? Will they be reunited one day? Are they safe and warm and loved?
Unfortunetly, not all foster care placements are good. Somehow crazy and creepy people slip through the cracks and continue to hurt and abuse these children. But for most, they are brought into a home where the foster family anxiously awaits their arrival and after an awkward handshake or side hug, and a few days or weeks of learning about each other, they become a part of a family. Sometimes there are visits with the birth parents and sometimes they are reunified. But sometimes they get to stay with their foster family and are adopted! The foster family is no longer their foster family but their Forever Family. But it all comes down to thinking of fostering as a ministry, a mission to help people. Nothing is always completely easy and fostering is definitely not an easy "job". But the rewards that you get from it, outweigh the burdens. There is nothing as rewarding as looking into the eyes of a scared child that came walking through your door and months or years later those eyes are filled with nothing but trust as he calls you, "Mom".
Each state has different rules and regulations and each county is different within each state. The state in which we live makes it very easy and "appealing" to adopt a child through fostering. There are no legal fees and typically the adoption is free. For someone who has the desire to be a parent but doesn't think that they can afford to adopt, looking into fostering-to-adopt might be a good option. Don't get me wrong, just like with any adoption, whether it's a domestic adoption, international adoption or fostering-to-adopt, there will be issues with bonding, adjustments, trust, etc. Being a bi-racial family definitly causes people to do a double-take when they see us but, you know what? I don't care! I will not allow the uneducated opinions of a complete stranger dictate whether or not I care for children who need me. All of my children are special in their own wayand we can't imagaine life without any of them. Each of them are a blessing from God and we are so thankful that He called US... just your normal, everyday family... to be a foster family.
Finally, to answer the questions that our families asked us in the beginning - yes, it is hard to have children that you love leave your home. Sometimes it is tough looking another parent in the eye knowing the history of why their child is in foster care and, as far as our boys are concerned, they are becoming better people beause of the experience they've had of being a foster family. The newest member of our family for the time being is a one year old little girl who was born at 27 weeks. Taking care of Joanise was a piece of cake compared to caring for this little one. She has so many specialists and doctors appointments but her smile and giggle are enough to warm anyone's spirit. So, when we go to the store as a family of seven, we get asked one other question quite often and that is, "Are all of those kids yours?" to which we proudly respond, "Yes, they are all ours!"
Sara and her husband Stephen have been married for 13 years and live in Pennsylvania. They have four adopted children (two from Russia and two through fostering). Sara enjoys homeschooling her children and is actively involved in her church. After suffering many miscarriages, she and Stephen consider themselves blessed and honored to have the opportunity to adopt. Although it hasn't always been an easy journey, it is one that they are thankful they are taking and one that they know God continues to lead. Sara and Stephen still do foster care and have now moved into fostering medically fragile children. Her days are spent being a mom and wife and she is so thankful for the support of their families and friends.
Awesome article. We are
Awesome article. We are foster parents too and have had the same questions. Your words are exactly as I feel as a foster parent. Right now I have a little almost two year old looking up at me smiling. He is our foster child right now. I have four of my own boys and fostering is as much their ministry as it is ours! God bless you and your precious family!