This has been a long time coming. As most things happen, it required a complete familial breakdown to force me to "get it together".
I searched online for what seemed like forever. I can't tell you how much time I spent researching and, yet, a reasonable disciplinary solution for our family eluded me. It was time to get creative...not one of my strong points. Because teaching does not come naturally to me, I often find myself breaking into a cold sweat when I have to be creative with my kids so you can understand why I take such pride in having created this little gem for our family!
After finding a few sources that recommended setting House Rules, I decided to come up with rules that would work in our home. We have twin toddlers, a 5 year old, and an 8 year old. The twins are still in a stage where they require a lot of attention, so we needed a way to help us establish order back into our home. While the house rules are more for our older two, they will be a good foundation as the twins continue to understand their actions.
My husband and I brainstormed possible rules, eventually narrowing the list down to 10 actions/behaviors that are a recur with regularity and need to be addressed. Every family will have different rules. It's important to keep your rules consistent with your family needs and structure and not try to put your rules into a one-size-fits-all format.
I purchased a piece of foam poster board and, just in case we decide to change anything (it is a work in progress!), taped the 10 rules onto the poster board. I then found clip art online that represented each rule in some way and taped it next to each item. Because the younger ones are not reading yet, the pictues are a fun way to help them recognize, understand and memorize the behavior requirements. My oldest helped me pick out the pictures and he taped everything onto the poster board for me. Working on the project together made it more of an engaging community activity and less ominous. It's important that the rules are visible for the entire family so we decided to post them in the kitchen, where we spend a lot of time as a family. This will give the kids no excuse to "forget" and the poster will provide a visual reference for mom and dad to use when reminding the family of the rules.
One of the problems inherent in dealing with children's behavior is how to address it. Anyone else find themselves extremely frustrated when they are trying to figure out, off the cuff, the best way to discipline a child? Or is it just me?! My husband and I will be discussing and agreeing upon appropriate discipline for each house rule that is broken. This will help us to be consitent and fair, keeping our frustration and volume level to a minimum and allow our children to know what to expect when they break a house rule.
We don't, however, simply want to bring the hammer when our kids break the rules. We also want to "catch" them in good behavior so we're working on a rewards system when they follow the rules. You may find a rewards and responsibility chart helpful. This will allow you and your children to pick the behaviors you want to correct together. Dr. Kevin Leman's book, Have a New Kid By Friday has also provided me and my husband a lot of great insight.
For your reference, I present to you...
The Smith Family House Rules
- Be Honest
- Do Not Talk Back to Mom & Dad
- No Bad Words ** this includes shut up, stupid, etc.
- Obey the First Time Asked to do Something
- Ask to be Excused After Eating
- Use Quiet Voices When Babies are Sleeping
- Do Not Hurt Each Other
- Ask Mom & Dad if you Want to Go Outside or in the Kitchen
- Share and Take Turns
- Clean Up Toys Before Bed
What do you do in your family to set and maintain house rules? Do you have any helpful suggestions for other moms that I may have missed?
Kerry is the owner of All Things for Mom. A stay-at-home mom to four boys, she decided to use her background in business and technology to help make life simpler for other moms by providing product suggestions and other information that will help make the job of mothering a little simpler for fellow moms. ATFM was born! Kerry's interests include preparing healthy food for her family, spending family time outdoors, photography (especially of her kids), and most importantly growing in her faith so that she can be a better wife & mother (a challenge for all of us!)
