Do these people make anyone else a little nervous
about what exactly is in those boxes?!
Giving gifts…for some it can be sheer torture. Who do you HAVE to buy for and how much should you spend and what would be an appropriate gift and can I even find that particular item without selling a kidney to pay for shipping?! If you are not a natural gift-giver, it can be an excruciating experience but don’t let it turn you into Scrooge. By following a few simple rules you’ll be on your way to finding a thoughtful gift that’s “just right”.
When it comes to tipping and holiday gifts for the people in your life who provide a service or help you out in some way, Emily Post and Gifts.com provide some helpful guidelines. Not sure about giving to your boss? This article should help. For family members and friends, however, it’s a little more nebulous and, frankly, stressful at times! If you feel completely inept at gift-giving, then let’s look at some basic tips on choosing just the right gift.
- Do not give something that you think they should want. Really. This is tacky. Don’t decide for yourself what someone wants. If your sister-in-law said she wants to lose weight, buying her Jillian Michael’s workout DVDs would not be appropriate. If your daughter-in-law has a contemporary decorating style that you cannot stand, buying her something that belongs with a country motif is inappropriate. One year, my aunt spent the three months leading up to Christmas clearly hinting to my uncle that she wanted a certain highly-coveted-among-moms electric stand mixer. He later admitted that he did, in fact, know she wanted that particular mixer. Instead, he bought her a headset phone which she promptly threw at him. His excuse? He thought it would be more practical for her since she already had a hand-held mixer that worked just fine. Christmas fail.
- Don’t over-think or over-spend. Spending more money does not make the gift more special and most people would feel badly if they thought that you gave yourself an ulcer trying to come up with a good gift idea. If you can’t think of that “perfect” gift for everyone, simply give them something appropriate such as a gift card to their favorite store or restaurant, even if it doesn’t have that “wow” factor. Buying extravagant gifts without giving much thought to whether or not they are appropriate can lead to an awkward situation eliciting obligation from the recipient. Your gift may even appear as one-upmanship to other givers. If your thoughtful gift is on the expensive side, consider giving it to the recipient privately so as not to make other friends or family members feel badly. If necessary, place an advanced upper spending limit on giving to help everyone stick to their budgets. Remember, it really is the thought that counts…which leads me to my next point.
- Pay attention. The best way to find that perfect gift is to listen to and get to know the people in your life. If you have trouble remembering in December what someone said they wanted in July then simply write it down. Keep a file on your computer, a note on your iPhone or a page in your daily planner with gift ideas for certain people. If you’ve waited until crunch-time then try striking up a natural conversation about their favorite restaurants, their favorite wine or activities that they like to do. If all of your sleuthing fails then ask a close friend or family member of theirs for ideas. This will give you clues as to what would bring a smile to their face when the wrapping paper falls away.
- Keep a few extra gifts on hand. Despite our best planning efforts, we often find ourselves without a gift for someone. Purchase a few generic gifts such as wine, chocolates, high-quality candles or toiletries and have them wrapped and at hand.
- Do not combine gifts. If your cousin’s birthday is on Christmas Eve or anywhere near Christmas it is in bad taste to hand her one gift while declaring that this is her “birthday and Christmas” present. You might as well wear a sign that reads, “Merry Christmas, I’m totally cheap!” Would you do this if her birthday was in September? No, you wouldn’t. If you want to give her a birthday present then buy her two gifts, wrapping one in birthday paper and one in Christmas paper. If you want to recognize her birthday but do not have the money to buy two gifts or if your relationship does not warrant a birthday and/or Christmas present then give her a Christmas gift and a birthday card.
- When giving to children (nieces, nephews, grandkids, etc.), ALWAYS ask the parents for suggestions. Yes, you may want to surprise them with that life-size walking, talking dinosaur but there could be many reasons why this would be a bad idea. Perhaps the child has been dreaming of another gift that their parents can't afford or your gift idea wouldn't be practical with their living situation or they have decided that they do not want their child playing with a certain toy. One year, I purchased a water sprinkler toy for my little cousins only to find out that my aunt did not feel comfortable with it. They lived in an apartment and "borrowed" an outside water hook-up from their neighbors. She did not want to over-extend their neighbors' generosity by running up their water bill with a children's sprinkler. If I had asked what she would have preferred, I would have saved us both an awkward exchange and myself a trip back to the store. If you want the child to play with and enjoy their gift then, please, respect their parents' wishes.
- Re-Gift with great CAUTION. According to Emily Post, there are very stringent requirements when it comes to re-gifting. If your “gift” does not meet these requirements then just donate it to a thrift store. In addition, when choosing to re-gift, keep it to yourself. Don’t share with other friends how “thrifty” you are by recycling gifts. It will only cast suspicion on you as a gift-giver and might label you as cheap. Re-gift if and only if:
- You're certain that the gift is something the recipient would really like to receive.
- The gift is brand new (no cast-offs allowed) and comes with its original box and instructions. - The gift isn't one that the original giver took great care to select or make. - Give cheerfully and without obligation. When giving a gift, it is important to give with no expectation of receiving something in return. Otherwise, it is not a gift. Before handing over that beautifully-wrapped present, check your attitude at the door. No one wants to receive a gift that makes them feel as though they’ve put out the giver. If you cannot give a gift to that certain someone without a sour face then just skip it altogether.
Hopefully these tips will get you through the next few shopping weeks with minimal stress and maximum gift-giving prowess. Happy giving!
Kim is the wife of one rockin' Worship Pastor and full-time mom to four crazy and beautiful kids. Toss in a part-time job, housework, a blog, training for a foster care license and what passes for a social life these days and she’s still wondering how she fits 32 hours into a 24 hour day.
