I am no expert when it comes to sleep problems in kids, unless you want to count my proficiency in sleep-deprivation. However, after giving birth to and raising four kids, the problems have run the gamut and I’ve definitely learned a thing or two from experience and researched even more. A survey of teachers for children in kindergarten through 4th grade revealed that 10% of the children were falling asleep in class.1 Apparently, Mom and Dad aren’t the only ones who aren’t getting adequate sleep. So, what do you do when your child has sleep issues?
Consistency
It seems so simple but one of the primary tools in getting your child to consistently sleep is to be consistent at bedtime. Kids are all about routine. It lowers their stress levels when they know what’s coming next and allows them to switch their brains into low gear in preparation for bedtime. The routine should fit your family life with a few common and necessary elements:
- Turn off the TV at least one hour before bedtime. The light from the television and the fast moving pictures can delay the drop in melatonin that is necessary to help the child fall asleep.
- Avoid large meals, sugary snacks or caffeinated foods for several hours before bedtime. All of these items can cause your child’s body to work overtime when it needs to be settling down.
- Incorporate calming activities like a warm, relaxing bath and a quiet story or song before tucking them in. Make sure you start these activities at least half an hour to 45 minutes before you’d like them to sleep so as not to rush and cause anxiety for everyone.
- Keep the room at an ambient temperature (approximately 70 degrees F). Our circadian rhythms (the natural bodily cycle of sleep and awake times) are not only dictated by light but also by temperature. If it is too hot or too cold, our bodies cannot properly initiate a sleep cycle, causing us to spend more time in the light or REM sleep stage and, therefore, depriving us of sufficient rest. In the winter, use warmer pajamas, socks and extra blankets. In the summer, if air conditioning is not available, use a fan with the window open.
- Make sure that common requests are met before lights-out. Everyone gets their glass of water, one last pee break and one last question before the door is closed and then they must stay in bed. If they call you after you’ve left, you need to keep your response as uninteresting and non-engaging as possible. Do not get angry, simply address their concern or tell them before you leave that you will not be coming back in and then don’t.
- Pick something and stick with it. An action must be performed at least 21 times before it becomes a habit. Don’t try a new routine for three nights and declare it a failure. It takes time and persistence and those little guys are depending on you to be the adult, whether they admit it or not.
Some other suggestions for bedtime routines:
- Allow your child to look under the bed and in the closets to be assured of a safe room that is monster-free.
- Sing a favorite song and say a prayer.
- Offer a back or head rub.
A Little Extra Help
Sometimes kids need a little extra help to settle down at bedtime or when they wake in the middle of the night. A nightlight, a white noise machine, a calming music or sounds CD
or a “lovie” might be necessary to comfort them enough to go to sleep. My fourth child was the first one who actually needed a security blanket. I noticed that she was obsessed with the tags on blankets and toys so I bought her a Taggie blanket. She loves it so much that we had to buy a second one, exactly like the original, to ensure that she was never without it when it was in the wash. I even read once about a child who could not sleep without his desk chair sitting over-top of his legs on his bed while he was falling asleep.2 Your child’s sleep routine might seem bizarre but if it is comforting to him or her and doesn’t hurt or disturb anyone else then perhaps you should consider letting it go.
or a “lovie” might be necessary to comfort them enough to go to sleep. My fourth child was the first one who actually needed a security blanket. I noticed that she was obsessed with the tags on blankets and toys so I bought her a Taggie blanket. She loves it so much that we had to buy a second one, exactly like the original, to ensure that she was never without it when it was in the wash. I even read once about a child who could not sleep without his desk chair sitting over-top of his legs on his bed while he was falling asleep.2 Your child’s sleep routine might seem bizarre but if it is comforting to him or her and doesn’t hurt or disturb anyone else then perhaps you should consider letting it go.
If your child is having trouble falling asleep after you have tucked her in, suggest that she quietly read or look at a book with a flashlight. The room will be dark enough to help her brain understand that it’s nighttime but she won’t be bored or scared until she feels tired. Some children have trouble turning off their brains at night and a natural sleep-aide such as Nature's Plus Warm Milk or melatonin may be necessary to level them out. If creating a consistent, calming bedtime routine doesn’t help you may want to speak to your doctor about occasionally adding these supplements on an as-needed basis.
or melatonin may be necessary to level them out. If creating a consistent, calming bedtime routine doesn’t help you may want to speak to your doctor about occasionally adding these supplements on an as-needed basis.
Common Sleep Problems
- Over-exhaustion. In children, sleep begets sleep. In other words, don’t skip naps if they are still needed and don’t assume that it won’t be a big deal to keep Billy out late for that make-up Little League game. After just a brief period with a shortened sleep schedule our bodies begin to over-produce the stress hormone cortisol. Once it has been produced, it takes up to six times longer for your body to rebalance itself enough to induce sleep. This is why an overly tired child can keep going and going like the Energizer Bunny and why it is vitally important to maintain a consistent sleep schedule that allows your little ones to get at least 9-12 hours of sleep a night. Skipping much needed afternoon naps can cause this problem, as well.
- Wide-Awake at 11 p.m. Check their food intake, the before-bed routine and the time of their afternoon nap. Unless they are sick, children over the age of two should be awakened from an afternoon nap at least three hours before their intended bedtime.
- Nightmares. A nightmare is simply a dream gone wrong. The person usually remembers some or all of the dream and nightmares typically occur in the earliest part of the morning. If your child is experiencing a recurring nightmare or if the nightmares are accompanied by other alarming behaviors, such as sudden bedwetting or high anxiety, then you should see a doctor. However, most nightmares are not a cause for concern.
- Night Terrors. These are much more frightening to the parent than the child. During a night terror, your child will appear to be in distress. He will sit upright in bed, screaming, crying or shouting, sometimes thrashing around. After about 10-15 minutes, or sometimes longer, your child will simply calm down and go back to sleep. Unlike with a nightmare, your child will have no memory of this event but, unfortunately, it will be something you won’t easily forget. Night terrors can be brought about by unmanaged stress, sleep deprivation (skipping a routine afternoon nap), fever or late bedtime. For both of my night terror children, the Nature’s Plus Warm Milk worked wonders at preventing or lessening the severity of night terrors when taken before bedtime.
- Sleepwalking or Sleeptalking. It should not be a concern when a child sleepwalks or talks. It is a fairly normal phenomenon that occurs most often in children between the ages of 3 and 6 years old and will typically manifest within two hours of falling asleep. Sleepwalking, like night terrors, is often triggered by a physical event such as over-exhaustion, eating heavy foods right before bed or drinking a caffeinated beverage within 4-6 hours of bedtime. The biggest concern is for the safety of a child who is sleepwalking. According to KidsHealth.org, to keep your frequent sleepwalker safe:
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- Try not to wake a sleepwalker because this might scare your child. Instead, gently guide him or her back to bed
- Lock the windows and doors, not just in your child's bedroom but throughout your home, in case your young sleepwalker decides to wander. You may consider extra locks or child safety locks on doors. Keys should be kept out of reach for kids who are old enough to drive
- To prevent falls, don't let your sleepwalker sleep in a bunk bed.
- Remove sharp or breakable things from around your child's bed.
- Keep dangerous objects out of reach
- Remove obstacles from your child's room and throughout your home to prevent a stumble. Especially eliminate clutter on the floor (i.e., in your child's bedroom or playroom).
- Install safety gates outside your child's room and/or at the top of any stairs.
When to Call Your Pediatrician
Okay, so how do we know when sleep problems are more than just growing pains and figuring out this whole parenting/being-a-kid thing? Make an appointment with your pediatrician if you notice any of the following problems in your child consistently:
- Snoring
- Breathing pauses during sleep
- Problems with sleeping through the night
- Difficulty staying awake during the day
- Unexplained decrease in daytime performance
- Unusual events during sleep
What’s the biggest sleep problem in your house? How have you solved it?
1Owens JA, Spirito A, McGuinn M, Nobile C. Sleep habits and sleep disturbance in elementary school-aged children. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 21(1):27-36, 2000.
2Kimmel, Tim. Grace-Based Parenting. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishing. 2004. p. 144
