Peanut Free Zone…to the mom of a kid with no issues with food allergies, this means more work when she’s packing lunches. Is it really such a big deal? Surely one little PB & J wouldn’t hurt…it’s not like I’m feeding it to the kid with the allergy!
Put down the knife and step away from the Jif, Lady. Let’s talk about why it’s such a big deal and how you can help other moms.
According to the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, a food allergy “is an abnormal response to a food, triggered by the body’s immune system.” Basically, the person’s body sees the particular food as a foreign invader and attacks it by sending out various types of immune responses. With a food intolerance the person’s body lacks the ability to properly digest a particular food item or additive – such as gluten intolerance (a sensitivity to wheat, barley, oats or rye) or lactose intolerance (a sensitivity to food made with pasteurized cow’s milk). While in some instances a food allergy can be life-threatening, a food intolerance will not cause immediate risk of death from accidental ingestion of the offending food.
If you think that all of this caution is a bit over-dramatized consider the ultimate danger from a food allergy – anaphylaxis. An anaphylactic reaction causes swelling, hives, a rash and, in the worst case scenario, restricted breathing and, without treatment, death. In Sandra Beasley’s book Don’t Kill the Birthday Girl: Tales from an Allergic Life
One time I was flying with Gracie and her little sister and the airline rep informed passengers that they couldn’t eat tree nuts or peanuts during the flight. As we were taking off, the woman seated behind me threw a fit about it. I offered to share lunch with her grandchild – I’d packed plenty of great food – but she declined. Then as we were beginning descent, she gave her grandchild a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Within minutes, Gracie was projectile vomiting. There I was, alone, nursing one baby while the other was going into severe anaphylaxis. When the plane landed, we went straight to the hospital.
How would you have responded if you were the grandmother? While the grandmother was perhaps inconvenienced, it is nothing compared to the daily inconvenience of a mother whose child struggles with food allergies. Moms of children with food allergies navigate a minefield every day. Ignorance only compounds the problem with the “oh-it-can’t-be-THAT-bad-and-I-can't-be-bothered” attitude displayed by some. Once when I was with a friend at a restaurant, he asked the server if there was celery in the coleslaw. The server flippantly responded, “Nah, I doubt it.” My friend replied, “Well, I’d like you to check, please. Otherwise, my eyes may swell shut.” The server huffed off with a plethora of eye-rolling. I thought to myself, “Really, dude?! Is it that much trouble to keep my friend healthy? He didn’t ask you to make him a special batch of coleslaw or anything!” Still, that's not as eggregious as the chef who took delight in bragging about how he deliberately lied to patrons regarding whether or not the food he was serving them was gluten-free! Ignorance is everywhere and it can cost someone with food allergies their life.
Look, here’s the thing, as the mom of a son with a dairy allergy, I want you to know that it can be a very lonely place. Food shopping takes twice as long when you have to check every label for the offending item, especially when you can’t even trust old stand-bys because companies are constantly “improving” their recipes. The grocery bill costs twice as much when you have to buy the alternative products just to keep your child healthy. It breaks my heart every single time my son feels left out because he can’t eat what his friends are eating (think birthday cupcakes at school). I hate that I have to micromanage every birthday party or social gathering and that many times my son can eat approximately two things that are offered because no one bothered to ask what he could eat. It’s frustrating when my son begins to break out in a severely itchy and ugly-looking rash that no amount of anti-itch cream will remedy and I know it will last a good week or more but I have no idea which food was the culprit. Unlike the rest of America, pizza is not our easy go-to meal, McDonald’s puts milk in their French fries and did you know that some cereals are made with milk before you even add the milk?! Fortunately, my son’s allergy is not life-threatening…yet. However, many allergic reactions can become more severe as time goes on. (For the child's perspective check out 10 Things Children with Food Allergies Want You to Know).
So, what can you do to help a sister out? Here are a few tips to come along side a mom whose child has food allergies:
- Know and honor your school’s food guidelines. No one wants to be responsible for causing another’s child’s illness because of ignorance. Saying, "Well, I didn't know..." doesn't make the kid any less sick.
- If you learn that your child’s classmate has an allergy, talk to the mom about it. Find out what her child can and cannot eat and make an effort to provide those foods if you are in a position to do so (class parties, birthday parties, picnics, etc.) Oh, you will make her day...maybe even her year! I can't even express how much appreciation I have for friends who are willing to go out of their way to make sure my son can be included and healthy.
- NEVER make assumptions about what the child can eat. Yes, “just a teeny, tiny bit of milk” will cause my son to have a reaction.
- Believe the parent and respect their request. If mom says that the reaction is bad enough to avoid the food, then just avoid it! There are plenty of opportunities for your child to eat the allergenic food outside of the presence of the allergic child.
- It can sometimes take several hours for a reaction to occur so please do not assume that just because the child did not have an immediate reaction they do not have a real allergy.
- For heaven’s sake, NEVER fake a food allergy!! It will only harm the kids with real allergies. I recently read a whole foods blogger’s post about whether or not she should allow her child to eat the community snack at school because she didn’t feel it was healthy enough. One reader commented that she should just tell the teacher that her son has a food allergy even though he does not. Thankfully, the blogger shot that idea down rather quickly and chided the commenter for fueling complacency about food allergies.
- Realize that, yes, allergy moms do know what a pain in the rear all of these precautions can be and we sincerely appreciate the effort. While we would love to be as unobtrusive as possible, frankly, we don’t have a choice. We aren’t trying to be self-righteous or condescending. We’re trying to keep our kids safe.
For some great allergy-friendly cooking ingredient substitutes, check out: Common Substitutes for Allergy-Friendly Cooking. And, if you are looking for creative, nut-free school lunch alternatives (the allergen most commonly causing air-borne reactions), check out Within the Kitchen or Simply Designing for some fun suggestions.
I know we all have a lot on our agendas and it can be frustrating to add another concern to the ever growing list of things to remember. However, I would ask that you follow the Golden Rule. If your child was facing a potential threat to their health everyday, how would you want someone else to respond?
Kim is the wife of one rockin' Worship Pastor and full-time mom to four crazy and beautiful kids. Toss in a part-time job, housework, writing, training for a foster care license and what passes for a social life these days and she’s still wondering how she fits 32 hours into a 24 hour day.
