What does home feel like to you? Maybe it’s walking in the door after a long day to be greeted by your kids, laughing, rushing, and tumbling towards you. Or maybe home means family dinners, scraping plates and sharing stories about your day. Or maybe home to you is like waking up—soft morning light and fresh-brewed coffee.
Home needs to be a haven—for all of us, certainly, but especially for our kids. Home needs to be the one place where they can get away, be safe, accepted and loved unconditionally. Home needs to be….home.
So how do we do this—create Home? Every family needs to decide for themselves, of course, what is important to them and stick with it. But there are a few elements that can help make a house a home when integrated into family life.
Tradition
Many times, family traditions revolve around holidays and birthdays, and will vary depending on your individual family. For some families, Christmas is the major holiday and they go all out—presents galore, expensive tree-trimmings, parties, concerts, and cookies. The challenging thing when it comes to holidays is to make sure that the business and the activities aren’t making your home more like a war-zone than a peaceful sanctuary. If you dread certain traditions, DON’T DO THEM! Traditions should be enjoyable and something your family looks forward to each year.
Make sure that your traditions involve time spent together and thoughtfulness, as well. For example, exchanging gifts might be a lot more meaningful if everyone takes time to make something special for the other family members. Another tradition that might add a lot to your family time is incorporating serving others. There are many different ways you can serve together, and we’ll talk more about this in next week’s article (Integrating Faith into Family).
Birthdays can also be a special time to focus on celebrating how happy we are that this child was born into our family. My mom used to welcome us to a birthday breakfast chair with a helium balloon bouquet tied to a bag of our favorite candy. Other ideas might be to leave a "trail" of presents as they’re walking down to the breakfast table, or to designate a special hat or plate that only the "birthday boy/girl" can use for their special day.
Family Fun
Having fun together is another important element to creating a home that’s a haven. Whether it’s assigning a day of the week or month that’s "family fun night" or simply choosing time randomly, our schedules have allow for time together.
If you choose to have a family fun night, you could try giving each night a specific theme. For example, one night could be a "Hawaiian luau" where you dress up in grass skirts, make coconut drinks, and learn how to hula dance. Or you could have a family dance party, where you crank up the music and try out all your new dance moves (Yes, your children will be embarrassed at first, and yes, they will think you look ridiculous, but don’t give up—they’ll also eventually think it’s fun). Family movie nights are always a hit as well. Try a picnic-style dinner in front of the movie or make nachos and popcorn to munch on during the family flick. Find what works for your family and have fun!
You can also incorporate fun into your everyday life. One of my favorite times as a child were family dinners—we always ended up laughing. It’s not that we planned to have fun, necessarily, but because we were all together, we did. Laugh together, share stories about your day, and enjoy each other.
Regardless of how you choose to have fun, the important thing is that you do it! Turn off the tv (and the car radio, the ipod, the ipad, the iphone, the computer, the cell phone, the gaming system) and remember what it’s like to simply have some good, old-fashioned family time.
Mutual Respect
Another aspect of creating a peaceful home is to make sure there is an environment of mutual respect. Although it’s certainly important that children show their parents respect, it’s also important to for parents to treat their children with respect. Your children should never be allowed to speak to you in a disrespectful tone, nor should they ever strike you or undermine or manipulate you. But this means that you, too, shouldn’t speak to them in an irritated or condescending tone, nor should you brush off their opinions because they are "just a child."
Children sense what adults think about them. If you find their presence annoying or if you are too busy to give them attention, they will do things to try to get you to notice or react to them. Respect your children. They will notice, and it will make them feel welcome in their own home.
Creating a home that’s a haven is one of our essential roles as a mom. By incorporating traditions and fun, in an environment of mutual respect, we can make sure our home is a place our kids will always want to return, no matter where life takes them.
Share with us your ideas about how you create a home that’s a haven!
Shannon is a youth pastor's wife and full-time mommy to two sweet girls. In addition to writing for ATFM, she teaches piano, writes for her own blog (Key MOMents) and volunteers at church and in the community.
