Yesterday we discussed the profile of a typical sexual predator and now you're wondering how you can protect your family from this threat to their safety. Below you will find a list of eleven prevention tips to help predator-proof your family. With these tools in your arsenal, you'll give your family the best chance of stopping a predator in his tracks.
- Have an open and honest relationship with your children. Remain approachable. Do you get annoyed or explode in anger every time your child comes to you with a problem or admits that they did something wrong? Try to check your responses in the future and temper them with compassion and genuine concern. This sets the stage for them to come to you first if anything is bothering them.
- Model healthy boundaries. It’s okay if your child does not want to hug grandma. Discuss with your child alternative signs of affection (shaking hands, high fives, waving) for times when they might feel uncomfortable with physical touch. Help your child to understand that it is acceptable to say “no” when something doesn’t feel right and that their “no” needs to be respected. If you see a friend or family member ignoring your child’s request, it is your job as the parent to step in and reinforce your child’s wishes by explaining the household rules to the guest.
- Have a comfortable understanding of the human body and appropriate sexual development. If talking about the body and boundaries surrounding appropriate sexual behavior is awkward for you, then your children will not feel comfortable coming to you with concerns about their own bodies and it will be difficult for them to trust you if there is a problem because they see the body as something secretive, something not to be discussed.
- Talk about safety issues with your children. Explain to them who is allowed to touch them and how. The “Swimsuit Lesson” is one of the easiest, most kid-friendly examples you can use to help your child understand dangerous touch. Your child should understand that because his body is special, there are private parts, the areas covered by a swimsuit, that are not for public display. Let your child know that it is not okay for anyone to look at or touch them in an area that is covered by their bathing suit.
- Practice NO! One of the valuable pieces of information that I learned in my self-defense class is that, if you don't practice the things you've learned, you will panic and forget them in the moment. Explain to your child that if someone is touching her in a way that makes her feel bad or showing her something she shouldn't see, she should respond with a loud and firm, "NO! Stop it now!" and then run for help. Say the phrase for your children and then have them practice it. Depending on your child's personality, you may have to practice several times before your child feels confident enough in saying it with authority.
- Reinforce to your child the importance of telling. Let your child know that if someone does something to make them uncomfortable it is not the child's fault and the best thing they can do for everyone is to tell their parents or another trusted adult until someone believes them. Occasionally, I will review with my children the guidelines about appropriate touching by quizzing them. One day I asked my son, “Will you get in trouble if someone touches you where they are not supposed to?” To my horror, he answered YES! He was in some way confused about what his role might be if someone violated him. I took that moment to sit down and explain to my children that if anyone ever makes them feel “not okay” that it is not their fault and the best thing to do would be to tell mommy and daddy, no matter what anyone else said.
- Watch your children and know where they are. Of course, we can’t be with our children at all times but we can make a concerted effort to know their whereabouts. I am continually shocked when I hear about kids roaming the neighborhood, going from house to house, with no parental supervision. We should know where our children are, who they are with and what they will be doing at all times. If your child is going to a friend’s house, take the time to meet the parents, get to know them and check out their house.
- Check, question, check again. Although many predators have never been convicted of a crime, it is still prudent to ensure that all of your children’s caregivers have had background checks, whether it’s the daycare center, the Sunday School teacher, the YMCA babysitter, the dance instructor or the soccer coach. You can also check for convicted sex offenders in your neighborhood by heading to the Family Watch Dog website and entering your home address. The search will produce a list and location map of all the registered sex offenders in your general vicinity, complete with the most recent picture and the charge(s) of which they were convicted.
- Trust your gut and teach your children to trust theirs, as well. Teach your child that if something feels strange or “off” it’s okay to tell the person “NO!” and then get help. Even if it feels rude to the child, it’s okay to trust their instincts when it comes to their own personal space. It’s better to make someone feel unduly awkward than for your child to be emotionally scarred.
- Explain that it’s not okay to keep secrets, no matter what anyone says. Allowing a child to believe that secrets are acceptable leaves them vulnerable to the manipulation of a predator. Be sure to let them know that if they suspect that a friend or family member is being abused by someone that they need to share this information with you, as well.
- Monitor your child’s cell phone and internet usage. Reading your child’s text messages, e-mail messages and online chats and knowing the numbers they are calling is not a violation of their privacy or a lack of trust, it’s a matter of safety. As stated in yesterday's article, predators are master manipulators preying on the naïve. It’s not your child whom you cannot trust, it’s the predators. You don't have to get your child's approval to keep him or her safe. Be the parent.
If you have noticed signs of sexual abuse in your child and are concerned that your child may have already been a victim, please seek assistance from a professional who can walk you through the process of getting help. If you are unsure of where to start, you can contact a local advocacy group in your area or call the Stopitnow.org helpline at 1.888.PREVENT. Trained personnel will guide you in dealing with your situation.
It’s important to regularly talk to your child about this topic in an age-appropriate manner, adding information as their maturity level allows. You can’t protect your children from everything but you can give them the best tools possible to protect themselves when you’re not around.
Kim is the wife of one rockin' Worship Pastor and full-time mom to four crazy and beautiful kids. Toss in a part-time job, housework, a blog, training for a foster care license and what passes for a social life these days and she’s still wondering how she fits 32 hours into a 24 hour day.
