Protecting Your Child from Predators - Part I: Can You Spot a Predator?

When you think of a child predator, someone who targets children for sexual abuse, who comes to mind?  Is it that creepy guy sitting on the bench at the playground, pretending to read the newspaper?  Is it that scruffy old man who attends every little league game in your county?  What about the greasy-looking man with the horn-rimmed glasses, driving the cargo van around town?  

While these people may very well be child predators, the most likely person is the one whom you least suspect.  That’s why it’s vital that you know what an abuser looks like and the techniques they use so you can spot them immediately and stop them in their tracks.  The following is a list of things you may not know about child predators.

1. It’s someone you know.  Most sexual abuse occurs by people who are intimately acquainted with the child and the parents.  According to the US Department of Justice, less than 11% of child sexual abusers are strangers to the child and their family.

2. The predator wants to be your friend.  Predators take their time reading people and choosing just the right target.  A vulnerable child such as a social outcast or the child of a working, single parent is a particularly good target for a predator.  He or she emerges as the child’s friend/mentor/confidante at a time when the child needs someone to emulate and trust.  In all likelihood the predator will befriend the primary caregiver, as well.  He or she will be helpful and trustworthy, offering to assist in activities to “help” you and your child.  

3. The predator is very patient.  Most sexual abusers are not impulsive.  They are patient, cunning and intelligent.  They take their time gaining the child’s trust.  Utilizing a technique called grooming, a predator will slowly desensitize the child and family members to their behavior.  Starting with seemingly innocent acts like back rubs, “accidental” touching in inappropriate ways or apparently innocuous encounters, the predator breaks down the child and the parents’ guard.  Then the predator will slowly build the intensity of sexual activity until the child is confused and isn’t sure what is normal and what is not.  

4. The predator often takes an unusual interest in a particular child.  A friend of mine was at her then fiancé’s parents’ house when she noticed a family friend giving a backrub to the fiancé’s younger preteen brother.  Because she was in graduate school for social work and had learned to spot a predator, red flags went off in her brain and she questioned her fiancé about this inappropriate and odd encounter.  Her fiancé brushed it off by saying, “Nah, he’s always been like that with my brother.  You’re over-reacting.”  Now 15 years into social work, my friend said she can see the signs that her now brother-in-law had been abused by this man although he’s never admitted it.  If there are other children in the home and a friend or family member only seems interested in one child, this should be cause for concern.

5. The predator is a skillful liar and master manipulator.  When caught in questionable or compromising positions, the predator has a smooth story readily available to explain it away (She needed me to help her put her bathing suit on…he wanted help taking a shower…he told me that he was sore so I was just checking it out to make sure he was okay).  The predator will then spend tremendous time and effort winning back everyone’s favor.  If anyone continues to draw attention to inappropriate actions, the predator will become incredulous and make the accuser sound unbelievable.  Again, the predator chooses the victim based on the victim’s believability and their capacity for loyalty.  If the child feels that coming forward would harm them, their “friend” or their family in some way, they will keep quiet. 

6. The predator works hard to maintain a clean-cut image.  To ensure that they are less likely to be accused or, if caught, found guilty, the predator works hard to maintain an upstanding image in society.  Predators are teachers, church leaders, baseball coaches and that helpful teenager who lives next door.  They can be anyone.  They use their influence, out-going personality and pedigree to lull victims and their families into a false sense of security – Surely, someone like that would never hurt a child!  

Of course, there will be cases that deviate from this caricature but, in most cases, this is the profile of a child predator.  According to the Department of Justice statistics:

• 80-95% of predators are male

• 71% are under the age of 35

• 70% are white

• 80% of predators have a normal IQ

• 33% of those arrested for crimes against children had no prior criminal record

• Before being arrested, the average predator has molested 117 victims

• 40% of predators were under the age of 18 at the time they committed the crime (yes, children abuse children)

• Less than 10% of child sexual assaults are reported to police