We’ve all done it….said yes to an activity or commitment without really thinking it through until it begins to take over our lives. “No problem, honey. You can play little league. That sounds fun!” Then reality sets in when you’re dragging yourself and three younger siblings to a baseball game on a 40 degree spring morning because you didn’t realize just how many games they would play (What is this, anyway? The Major League?!) and that your husband wouldn’t be back from his regularly scheduled Saturday morning meeting in time to either a) be the PIC (parent-in-charge) for the younger ones or b) pull cheerleader duty so, instead, you are stuck doing double duty. As you stuff the kids into the minivan when they’d rather be watching cartoons while you grab blearily for your travel mug, you wonder why in the world you thought this would be fun AND you paid for this “privilege”! It is beginning to dawn on you that, without intending to, you’ve made your life a miserable rat race. And, of course, since misery loves company, you will drag the rest of the family down into this crabby quagmire with you. HOLD UP! Let’s hop off the hamster wheel for a moment and rethink this, shall we?
The school year is getting into full swing and that means more than enough opportunities to over-schedule ourselves and our kids but have you ever stopped to think that maybe we don’t need to be doing quite as much as we’re doing? If your kid doesn’t learn to play an instrument or try out for the soccer team it’s not going to be the end of the world but it might help you find some long lost family time you didn’t know you were missing.
Start by creating a family calendar. Now is a great time to do this, before the school year runs away from you. Write on it, in pencil if it’s a paper calendar, all of the commitments that you and the other members of your family already have and then post it in a central location (our's hangs on the wall in the kitchen). If your daughter plays soccer then all of her practices and games, home and away, should be listed. If your son volunteers at a local mentoring program write down the dates of that obligation. If your husband regularly sings at church, write down the Sundays that he is scheduled to sing, along with any practices that he is required to attend. Then sit down with your family for a meeting.
The family meeting is vital to establish priorities which will provide a filter through which all potential activities and commitments are run. If you and your husband are not on the same page about time commitments then you should have a meeting alone before the family meeting to get on the same page. If mom and dad aren’t unified then the priorities won’t stick. Decide what is important to your family and write it down. Do you want your family to eat dinner together at least three nights a week? Is it important that you attend church services regularly as a family? Do all family members need to attend sporting events for moral support? Does your family schedule need more free time? How much driving is mom or dad willing to do? How many activities is it reasonable for each family member to commit to? Once these priorities are in place they will weed out many activities and help to subdue the cries of “That is SO not fair!” when one family member is denied an activity over another.
Evaluate all of your existing priorities. Are they necessary? Are they helpful? Does the person involved truly value this activity? Nix the ones that are meaningless or a burden to the family. When a potential activity makes its way to the table, Laureen Miles Brunelli in her article “Choosing Activities for Your Kids' Schedule” recommends asking a few questions before making a decision:
- Why are you interested in this particular activity?
- Does it conflict with any present or future activities?
- How much at-home practice time does this activity require?
- How long will this commitment last – all summer, all year, indefinitely?
- What is the frequency – i.e., three practices a week plus two games a week?
- What time of day or week will this activity take place?
- Is this activity age appropriate for your child? Does it match his/her temperament?
- How much will this activity cost including fees, equipment, etc.?
- How will the transportation work out?
- How much parental involvement is needed or required?
It is always best to overestimate the amount of commitment an activity will require and to discuss with your child how much of a commitment he/she is willing to make. Will you require your child to finish an activity even if they decide they don’t like it? How long will they “try out” a new activity before they are allowed to move on?
Don’t let your family’s schedule become an out-of-control monster. There are many good activities and opportunities out there but that doesn’t mean you have to accept them all. Find the best activities for each family member (including yourself!) and allow everyone to have a voice in making the choice of which they would prefer to attend. Give them some ownership of the family schedule but, remember, you are the parent so while it is important that your children know their choices are being heard, you have the final say. Teach them about the importance of not over-committing so that you have the best to give to the commitments that are important to you. It takes a lot of work but you can tame that family schedule!
Kim is the wife of one rockin' Worship Pastor and full-time mom to four crazy and beautiful kids. Toss in a part-time job, housework, writing, training for a foster care license and what passes for a social life these days and she’s still wondering how she fits 32 hours into a 24 hour day.
